theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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