you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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