Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize