The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
