One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
