You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
