May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
