we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
