"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
