You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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