wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
