Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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