First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
