Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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