Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
