i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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