Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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