i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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