She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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