You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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