Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
