so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
