my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
