o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
