a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
