I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize