ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
