i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
