what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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