just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
