that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
is it fun? or sober?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
