My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
