I want to have your abortion
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
