Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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