Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
