We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
