Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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