Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
