I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
