Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
