Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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