he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
