i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize