Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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