It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize