who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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