I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
