Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
