Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
