Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
