I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
