I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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