I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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