I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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