he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
