Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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