I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
