where am i from again
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
