he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
