True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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