I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize