Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
