can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
