Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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