his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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