In the future we'll all be gay
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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