i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What drink are we having for lunch?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
