Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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