Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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