the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
