I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
