I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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