there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize