I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
