i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
