Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize