Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
