i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
