Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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