i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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