here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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