im drinking this country out of the recession.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
