his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
