Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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