her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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