Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
