Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
