only if we run a train.
done.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i think i just lost a toe
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
