I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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