just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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