yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
