Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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