i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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