The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
