too bad you live with your parents still
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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