I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
