You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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