Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
