Please, let me fuck your mom
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
People in love make me want to vomit
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
