what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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