I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize