haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
