I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize