Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
