I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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