you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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