So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize