I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
