is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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