I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I supernannyed him into submission
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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