Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
