Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
